In life there are many thing that you want to do but you never get to do them. For me, it has always been a peaceful cup of tea or coffee. I am one of those, who like to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee with a lot of time on hand. I need at least half an hour to finish a cup of tea that is how much I want to savor it. It never does happen like that. Why? I am not sure. What I am sure about is that my cup of tea is cursed.
Whenever I want to drink a nice warm cup of tea, something comes up. Like, my son who was deep asleep with wake up, out of no where he would decide he needs a diaper change at the exact same moment. If it’s not my son, I will need to take a very important call or something else. It’s like the universe knows that I want to drink that cup of tea.
When it is nothing and every thing is fine, it is just me and hubby enjoying a cup of tea, I seem to take much longer to finish my tea. He is done by the time I am half way through. The same thing happened on my trip back home. All the people seemed to be finished and I was still drinking my tea. That got me thinking, is it the curse or is it me? Is it me who is so slow that time passes by, and when it has passed all I could do is complain or call my short comings a curse? Is it just me or us humans have a tendency to find thing to blame our short comings on? Lets see what humans do…
Taking my own example, I wanted to analyse the situation. It could be three possibilities. It could be that the tea is extremely hot to drink, or that I am a slow drinker. It could also be that the tea time is cursed or it could be nothing. So for any failures recurring in our life there could be multiple possibilities but why do we as human choose the one, that exempts us from all the responsibility?
Calling the cup of tea cursed makes me free. I don’t have to work on the timings, or realize may be I am so slow that other people are done. When in life we are stuck in situations where we lag behind, we would rather have some one or some thing else take the blame for us. This gives us a good excuse. We tell ourselves that we tried all we could and there is something super natural causing all of this failure.
The fact of the matter is that there is nothing super natural. It is all a huge set of rational reasoning. There is always a reason as to why we lag behind in something that we do. We just do not want to admit it because it is hard and painful to admit. If we admit where the fault is, we have to do two painful things. First, we have to admit that there is something needed to be done and we haven’t done it. The other one is the effort needed to do it. Both of these thing are painful. Humans want to avoid both: admitting their faults and doing effort to fix things. Human like it short and easy.
So, today I decided I am going to analyse my life. Instead of calling my cup of tea cursed I am going to try to find out where the problem lies. Where in my life am I wrong. I am tired of making plans and constantly leaving stuff in between.
I do realize I have bipolar and it is responsible for what has been happening like not being able to complete tasks and plans I had. However I DO NOT want bipolar to be my “curse”, I want to find out what else is there to change. Is it my attitude towards life, is it my flawed plans or is it just that I expect too much to happen too fast.
I have no answer but I have made a decision, instead of whining about the things, I am going to do something about it. Life will throw a bunch of crap at you. You can not always blame it or find other things to blame. Just think ! Get up look into the eyes of the world and “struggle”. You are brave !
Struggles of a Bipolar Woman 