I am very much aware these days that I am in a manic state. I love it ! It gives me the high needed but like the end of a mania the results are awful. That is what I feared when I, for the first time, realized that I was in a manic state.
Manic state is euphoric, it is the high, You feel at the top of the world. It is like all the world abides by you. You can do whatever you want. You get the ideas that you would never get in a normal state. Oh ! the normal state. Something I haven’t been able to define and I will be needing a whole new article for that one.
I have Bipolar and it makes me good when I am in a manic state of the illness. The things I can get done ! I was able to pack my whole apartment, which the exception of a little few details, in just one day. No not 24 hours. Just may b 7-8 hours. Oh I was having fun with the working. I worked to the point where my body actually gave up. The result was extreme hunger. I had 4+ meals in the day because I was so so hungry.
The day before yesterday I was in control of the mania. I was able to recognize that I am doing too much and my brain is not stopping and the voices are telling me to keep on going. Somehow, I was able to stop myself, get a break and sit down and relax. Latuda is to be given the credit for this, along with Depakene, which helped me sleep better at night.
So, yesterday, by the night-time, I was so exhausted and drained, that I started getting extremely erratic. The voices kept coming in and the brain was calculating a hell lot. Stuff like how to pack to decorating the whole house and how to slap X. Seriously ! I needed it to stop but it would not.
The day before I was just fine, in control, I don’t know what happened. I had a bad sleep. My husband says I was sound asleep. However, I know that I was having nightmares. I have nightmares every day consistently, but I woke up fresh. Today I woke up like a zombie. My brain was working during the night mares.
A few days back I was in control of how my brain work and I lost it again. I don’t know when or how I will be able to manage the manic state. I thought I did, but I guess every day is not my day…
Struggles of a Bipolar Woman 