Waking up every day for the whole week to a dark quiet room with a baby sleeping was a blessing. Oh the amazing vacation I had. It was such a joy! I had the best time staying in Baltimore. Although I did not get the hotel in the downtown which I was initially mad about, mad turned to glad as I was away from the hustle and bustle. A quiet suite in a 3 star hotel with peace is all I needed for my soul to freshen up.
I would wake up every day and rush to the breakfast buffet downstairs with my 14 month old and what a blessing he truly is. Taking his steps all the way and waving Hi to people all over the place. The people were so nice to him. Enjoying the alone time during breakfast (baby was not too much to handle on this trip). Then coming back to the hotel room and thinking about how I would like to dress up today for the activities I planned. I had everything in my bag, from Cynthia Rowley dress to a $10 scarf from Target. The happiness was not coming from the clothes being designer or not, the happiness was coming from the chance to finally just get dressed for me and no one else.
I had a fun time during my trips to downtown, from joining my husband at the Convention Center for conference or a family visit to the National Aquarium. Long walk near the Inner Harbor or the dinners at the best restaurants or just a take away from Burger King. I was not BIPOLAR, I was just me. It was just Zephyr having the best time of her life. Enjoying being herself, a wife and a mommy. For the first time in 14 months I enjoyed playing all these roles.
It would not have been possible if I were not on my treatment for bipolar. I am thankful that I made a decision for myself. I decided to go for it and struggle hard for it. And then I wanted this amazing vacation. A break from being a post partum bipolar patient. A break from being depressed or maniac. A break from realizing every moment of my life that I had bipolar.
After a long time I did not fight on a trip with my husband. I was not erratic or anxious. I was just me. Even though someone stole my beloved IPhone 5s and it was a bad episode, I was able to put that behind me and have fun for the sake of myself and my family. I loved shopping alone at The Gallery, taking long naps at the hotel and enjoyed amazing Middle Eastern cuisine.
Most importantly the amazing road trip from MI to MD. Oh the beautiful hilly area and the greenery just take you in. Holding your beloved’s hand while he is driving and your romantic music is on. Who cares about the world or bipolar? Nothing can ruin this time or this moment. Because I am not going to let that happen. It is my choice and it was my time.
We all need a break. A break from life and most importantly a break from bipolar. A break where we feel ourselves as we are- “normal”. Not bipolar, not a bad mom and not a guilty person. A break where we all can feel our self. Moms need this kind of break. When you get a chance, go for it. Make a firm decision in your head to not let anything pull you down and trust me it works.
I hope you all get an amazing vacation and a much needed break and have fun while you are at it.
Photo Credit: My hubby dearest
Struggles of a Bipolar Woman 