It is the “ab normal” that makes us “extra-ordinary”

Today the morning was not as horrible as it has been for the past three days. I woke up dreading to go to my doctor. I was some how able to find the reason to get up. I wanted to try out my new “BareSkin” foundation on my face, which btw is amazing for me. I got ready and was off with my love and our little angel. I really appreciate him going to the doctor’s with me. He never lets me take a cab, I always want to. In my heart I always feel secure if he is there and he know it.

So I discussed with my doctor the awful nightmares I have been having and my binging on food. I am binge eating for quite some time now. It is mainly due to my medicine. This has caused weight gain, which itself is one of the most depressing things. When I look in the mirror I feel like an ugly cow. In fact people do tell me that I have a nice face. Aaah! people. Only if they knew how my twisted mind works.

Turns out I am on two new meds. One for my nightmares and one for controlling the binge eating. My doctor is very concerned about the weight gain, as I have a family history of diabetes. Now he really wants me to struggle. Like I did not have enough of ‘that’ going already. My brain can not understand that it needs to stop eating. I think the medicine just broke off the whole mechanism of telling the brain that it is time to stop eating.

Now I, yet again, have to fight with my brain to stop making me eat all the time. One of the suggestions, is that I buy a treadmill. Hubby says that when I feel this uncontrolled need to eat, I should run, this will make me feel a lot better and will take care of the cravings as well. So basically along with the medicines and this crappy “up and down” brain, I now need to struggle with eating.

I am already not very happy. If you read my last post, you know how it is. I am still really mad and very sad. I can not believe that my parents would be the one promoting the stigma of mental health. When their very own daughter fights with it every day of her life. I am just tired. Why can not I for once have a healthy body and mind? I tried to have a healthy mind, it messed up my body.

Seems like God has put this struggle in my fate. I have to keep struggling to just be something routine and ordinary. For the extra ordinary people, I sometimes think God has already blessed them with normal minds. Which upon analysis is not so true. I believe I would not be where I am if I was not bipolar. I have a different mind. I have “a beautiful mind”. Where I am today is a blessing from God. I can do some little in one of the areas on health.

I can connect with people and try to bring smiles, share sorrows and be a partner in their struggles. I guess all the struggles we have in our lives, lead us to a path of success.Normal was never an option for us because we are not meant to be like everyone else. We would not be here if we have everything normal. It is the “ab normal” that makes us “extra-ordinary” 

 

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