Confused about Normal

Yes I am, absolutely.  I am on Latuda and Depakene. The meds seems to work pretty well. Even the PMS wasn’t a horror movie this month. It was always awful ever since the birth of my son last year. 

So, for a few days I felt neutral. Oh I wasn’t over joyed or depressed. I freaked out and called hubby and asked him what is that. He said that it was normal. Haha. Normal is good and was amazing for a few days. Sounded too good to be true and it really was.Felt like breathing after a year.

Now its like ‘i feel neutral’ with some irritation and anger. I don’t know who is it about but its the problem. Its the stupid brain going whacko on me. Now I am irritated and angry, a little sad and for the first time I don’t wanna take it out on anyone. Although I might be short with everyone. What I am doing is staying away from them. Its better, they already suffer because of me.

So this is how I feel always, either happy or sad. Happy means manic and sad means irritated angry and depressed. That is how I always was, This was normal (yet hard) for me. Now when I feel nothing people tell me its normal. Today I feel irritated and neutral. I feel like the treatments has changed the states. From being either happy or sad all the time I am struggling with a range of awful stuff like:

Happy 

Overjoyed

Manic

Sad

Irritated

Angry (these are the usual)

add to this:

Neutral

Indifferent with sad

Indifferent with Angry

A little sad with a lot of neutral

Nothing happy but little neutral

OH MY GOD the list is as confused as my brain is. I don’t know which is what and which is why. I am hyper confused and what is normal. What someone else defined for me and is staying in pain normal for me? Why do I have to be normal so that it is less painful or pain can not be the normal for someone else? So is having one feeling normal? Or two ? Or jumping from feeling nothing to feeling a bunch?

Am I being treated for being Bipolar ! or Miltipolar

aaaarrrgggghhh ! I dont know if any of this makes sense to anybody. As for me i can not figure out a thing.

Dear life, eat my poop !